Hope Waits

A whole side of my lights stopped working tonight, the same lights that have been a wonderful friend to me and brightened my space for several years now. My dear sister got them for me one Christmas. I became so sad and depressed about it because to me it was a metaphor of my life and how things break constantly. I felt like the Lord was saying, yes, things will break but they can be fixed and made new again. A couple minutes later, that same side flickered back on. It felt like a sign of hope from the Lord.

Tonight I turned on a specific playlist so I could let certain memories be stirred up so I could process through them. I lay on my bed and cried and let myself feel every emotion. After crying, I went for a walk to the park across the street and sat in the rain and cried some more, still listening to the playlist. It was so therapeutic. It was intentional and gave room to grieve and confess and talk to God. I felt such devastating emotions that led me to highs and lows but at the end I felt like the Lord gave me hope. Hope to bear with me through my life. Hope that when things break they can be restored. God answered one of my prayers this week and I know He will continue to do so, even if it takes 5 years or 50 years. Some people might think I'm crazy for hoping but I don't care. I will continue to hope in what seems like the impossible because God is a God of the impossible.

Here's a little dialogue from the last hour of work today.

The rain is subtle, a gentle kiss

Its soft caresses fall on purple and green bush 

Through the red brick pillars I see the sweetness of a rain cloud

Cerulean blue and milky clouds mixed with power lines and rushing cars encounter one another

And yet they dance and weave with the hum of voices and the steam rising from my paper filled with cocoa.

Its time to go

One more meeting and then home I go

Through the rain, past the voices, through the cars, the place where I reside. 

The place where it’s just me

The thump of my heart beat, the race of thoughts, the calm that is taking over my body despite the hubbub.

There are so many good paintings capturing the essence of hope but here are a few that I love. I once wrote a song called Hope Waits. I think this title is so very appropriate. Sometimes you can have hope but nothing happens for a long time. It is so hard to keeping hoping in the waiting but time tells a story that swift alleviation does not.

All my love and devotion,

Grace Kathleen