A Gentle Nudge

Oh goodness. What a whirl wind of week. I'm sitting in the 'lil nook at the office reading an article and keeping myself from dozing off.

I prepared for a memorial service this morning and I was so nervous. It's one thing to play the guitar (which I'm not super confident on) in front of one person who may or may not be oriented and it's quite another thing to play in front of 10-20 who are very much aware and listening. I prepped as much as I could and then practiced my breathing techniques and clenching and un clenching my fists to relieve the tension and anxiety building up within me. When I got there and sat down to play the songs I actually felt quite a sense of peace. There were many scriptures read and this persons life was talked about and I caught myself choking up and incredibly moved.

I felt an overwhelming nudge to my heart and desire to be close to the Lord. I wanted Him. I wanted to feel his presence pouring into my life again. I haven't felt that in awhile and it almost brought me to tears. I have to confess I still feel hurt and frustrated with Him but it really was quite amazing to be reminded of my passion and desire for the Lord. I still want Him, even though I've felt far away.

I talked with a friend for hours and hours last night and was reminded over and over that God is good. I was blown away by it and now I just want to know if I can find that in my life and recognize it and latch onto it. Will I get through this really hard 10 years of my life? Will I find joy and happiness again? Like when I was a child?

On another note, I've started packing and moving things up to the guest bedroom. I've made a list and am finding much satisfaction is marking things off the list. I also made an motivation board of positive quotes and weekly goals with a reward at the end. At the end of this week, I'm having ice cream! I also did a yoga session the other night and felt such a clearness in my head that was very wonderful.

Biggest overarching goals are, pursue God, pursue community, and pursue my wellbeing. I can't go wrong right? I'm missing certain people like crazy but I must keep living.

My heart to yours,

Grace Kathleen