To Counsel or To Not

I just got the email saying that my counselor can no longer council me. It's left me with a decision to make. I feel, I haven't had much luck with finding that kind of support here. I'm so thankful that she got me through the toughest part of my internship but now, should I continue on with another counselor or save the money and just wait to connect with my old counselor back in TX? I just don't want to go through the intake process again and only have a new person for a month. I really was only planning on scheduling two more sessions and now it just doesn't seem worth it with a new person.

I'm currently receiving care from a church member and my good friend. Maybe I should just ask them if they are willing and available to extend their care. I think in this situation, that's what I will ask for.

Today has been a good day but I did spend some time crying in my car recording a voice message that I can never send but would if I could. It helped to say all the things I wanted to say and to cry my way through it. Gosh, life can be so grueling sometimes. 

My body has been rejecting all the gluten I ate today and it's been awful but also good because then I get a fresh start. I'm so glad for ginger candies to help me through. Last week was rough but I'm hoping and praying that this week is better. I still get like no sleep these days. I just keep waking up and tossing and turning throughout the night. My body and mind and heart must be so agitated.

I'm learning a lot about agitation in this line of work and if even one of them, body, mind or heart, is not at peace, that causes agitation. I feel that in my sleep is when it shows the most. I am not at rest with myself.

Dear readers, I'm sorry to say that I don't think I'll be posting the story I'm writing after all. I'm afraid, I've been second guessing everything I'm writing and don't think it's good enough to share with the world. Maybe I'll change my mind but for now, I'm going to let it sit and season with time. I'm might find that there's potential there.

With my love and a hug,

Grace Kathleen

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