Holding Space
I've started waking up at 6 every morning. It's almost like my body is preparing me for being back in TX. It's like my body knows that's it's 7 in TX. Of course the sun is up bright and early and that's a factor but I like to think that's what it is. I mean I'm wide awake and go through the day just fine. It's humorous how the body works sometimes.
I'm reading this post and found it very enlightening. In my field of work, you have to insightful and thoughtful and know what questions to ask to support holding space for people. Yesterday, Beth said I did it well but most days, although logically I know how, it sometimes comes out as quite awkward. It's easier to do when you know the person well and can sense what they need to hear with ease. A person you've only been seeing a couple times, makes it harder. Beth does it with such ease and it's like watching a master at work. She just knows what to say.
This article was a little hard to read because it talked about a mom dying. It brought back memories. Grief just never goes away. It comes and goes in waves.
The weekend is here, yay! I'm very sleepy and exhausted from the week. My last visit of the day, Sydney joined me for. It was a really fun visit but when I got to writing the note, I felt all self conscious like I wasn't being a very good teacher and I walked away feeling hard on myself. All I wanted to do was talk to my best friend and tell her all about it. She always knows just what to say. I miss her.
Tomorrow, Michelle and Sydney and I are going to Snooze for brunch. I'm looking forward to it. Sunday is my co worker's son's birthday party. Also looking forward to that. That's all I have planned though. I just want to read, sleep, eat good food and do some around the house sort of things. Also plan for my weekend trip next weekend. I'll take pictures.
I like to take walks around the neighborhood and imagine myself living in one of the houses. Some of the backyards are filled with bright yellow and green patio tables and chairs with glowing lantern lights strung up. Others have sophisticated dark couches on upraised platforms and potted plants. I like to imagine that one day I’ll have a little girl or boy playing in their backyard with their ball or swing in the tree. I like to picture myself sitting in that couch or chair with my loved one, gazing at the falling light with the light of my string lights overhead. I like to picture taking long walks with my loved one.
I’m taking a walk now to the high school across the field. The sky is perfectly deep grays and blues. The grass is a rich green and the distant voices of dogs and children fill the air. I’m listening to Jon McLaughlin and feeling very tearful and reminiscent.
Time goes by so slowly at night. I get home and relish in food and time to myself and then the sadness and loneliness sets in.
Lightening is starting in the distance. It’s illuminating the green tin roof of the school. I must head back soon. Darkness is falling.
Drops of Colorado rain beat me to the house but just as soon as it came, it was gone, teasing me for a moment that a down pour was coming.
I was reading more of Bellman & Black today and crying my eyes out. I couldn’t decide if I was going to like it but it’s getting good again. It’s been a long time since a book has made me cry. He lost so much all at once and I really relate to that. It’s definitely very mysterious though and slightly creepy. I think very possibly that his daughter almost died and came back to life but isn’t fully human now.
I was telling someone earlier how loud it is here, cars and the fan whiting and people or the TV always going and talking. It’s hot and uncomfortable. I mean I’m making it work and noise is inevitable but it just made me thankful for the quite in Justin waiting for me. Sometimes I get scared to come home but thinking about my room there is something to look forward to and air conditioning!
I hope I make it back in one piece. I’d really love to come home, my home where I belong. It’s there you feel safe.. ♾♾
This is Dedicated To The One I Love
My deepest affection,
Grace Kathleen
💗💐
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