The Art of Trying

I picked out some flowers today to bring to a patient. Flowers are one of my favorite things, besides artwork. I'm sitting here in a meeting and reflecting on the paintings on the wall. We honor our patients with telling their story and give them opportunities they might not have had before coming on to service. I think that's beautiful.

My eyes are sleepy. This week has been hard. Internship has been dragging or maybe it's my feet that's dragging. My heart is heavy. I feel like I'm in a season of desiring, desiring for more. A season for asking hard questions of the Lord. A season of accepting and wanting to know who I am.

I'm drinking my Peach Mango Green Tea. It's very good. It reminds me of sitting in a garden, soaking up the sun with scent of roses and peonies surrounding my nostrils. It makes me think of happiness and peaceful moments with yourself and sunny encounters with friends.

I'm visiting a new church on Sunday. I think it's time for a change. I fight against change. I just want to find my home and stay there but sometimes you have to try things and if it's not working, try something else. The very dear people in my life encourage me to break away from what I'm comfortable with and remind to not miss it. I tend to tell myself, I'm missing out or I've waisted the chance. That leads me to not want to keep trying. It's good to be reminded to just keep trying things and to not sit at home alone wishing I wasn't alone but to keep trying.

There was something slow about this day. It's overcast yet sunny at the same time. I ate lunch at Whole Foods and remembered how much I love eating here. I sat leisurely, soaking up the calm.  I've been planning to play this song called October by Gray on Saturday for a work event except it's supposed to rain and it's outside. I love the rain though and hope it does rain. Continually. I'm so glad I'm done for the day now.

Tonight, I don't think I will be able to keep my eyes open for long. I have not been sleeping much lately and today I really felt it. There is nothing like the cool softness of bed greeting you when you get home. Though these days, I can't help but wish I was sharing my life with someone. I can't help but wish I could come home to the one I love.

My heart is aching today. I can't help but think about the Art of Trying though. The importance of doing hard things to protect your future self and the future of those around you. Taking opportunities as they come, loving deeply, asking hard questions, trying new things and being willing to change.

Goodnight for now. Soon I will write again.

Grace Kathleen