Clouds

The clock ticked slowly away
2:29..2:30..2:31..
My eyes were heavy,
coffee was on the brain

A thought passed through my consciousness and made me jump up from my chair and seek out my supervisor.

"Are there any books to scan?"

"Yes, one and a few books to pull as well."

Yessss.. Something to do. I snatched up the few papers, my phone and earbuds and headed to the third floor, leisurely strolling hoping it would last as long as it could.

And this is why I'm doing music therapy, or at least one of the reasons. Music is one of the most powerful tools in my life. I tune in to my favorite playlist and all my cares float away. The rows and rows of books are like best friends, the dusty smell and worn out carpet, a magical wonderland. 

My whole summer has been about saving money and wondering if it would be enough to cover the up coming semester. I haven't taken much time to stop and think about the things I can look forward to. Walking the shelves, reaching for books, being carried away by my favorite music, through this the Lord has reminded me of the charm that lies in my college days. Everyone says, college days are the best time of your life and I'm like, you're kidding me right, but here and now it's good to be reminded of these wonderful, hard, exciting days ahead.

After watching a video of a girl who was dying and was choosing to live her last days to the fullest, I realized that pain is beautiful. The Lord takes our trials and hardships and turns them into a magnificent, glorifying life. If we can keep this perspective it may help us move forward with our lives. There will be pain, there will be death, but in the end, when we are in heaven, it won't matter at all. We'll be worshiping our King, together.

Here Oswald sums it up divinely. The highlighted portion caught me completely off guard.

In the Bible clouds are always associated with God. Clouds are the sorrows, sufferings, or providential circumstances, within or without our personal lives, which actually seem to contradict the sovereignty of God. Yet it is through these very clouds that the Spirit of God is teaching us how to walk by faith. If there were never any clouds in our lives, we would have no faith. “The clouds are the dust of His feet” (Nahum 1:3). They are a sign that God is there. What a revelation it is to know that sorrow, bereavement, and suffering are actually the clouds that come along with God! God cannot come near us without clouds— He does not come in clear-shining brightness.

It is not true to say that God wants to teach us something in our trials. Through every cloud He brings our way, He wants us to unlearn something. His purpose in using the cloud is to simplify our beliefs until our relationship with Him is exactly like that of a child— a relationship simply between God and our own souls, and where other people are but shadows. Until other people become shadows to us, clouds and darkness will be ours every once in a while. Is our relationship with God becoming more simple than it has ever been?

There is a connection between the strange providential circumstances allowed by God and what we know of Him, and we have to learn to interpret the mysteries of life in the light of our knowledge of God. Until we can come face to face with the deepest, darkest fact of life without damaging our view of God’s character, we do not yet know Him.

“…they were fearful as they entered the cloud” (Luke 9:34). Is there anyone except Jesus in your cloud? If so, it will only get darker until you get to the place where there is “no one anymore, but only Jesus …” (Mark 9:8; also see Mark 2:7).