I Believe

It's quiet and still

Soft twittering birds are outside my window but the sound is distant

I have to get up soon

Colorado is where I am now

I don't want to stay

They say the mountains and open sky and culture are reasons to stay

I've made up my mind though

Maybe there are reasons to stay but my home is TX

I'm leaving in September

Until then

I have many things to do

Reading and learning and playing and doing

I left one church yesterday to join another

I'll stay there till my time here is done and then I will find another

Or I won't

I don't know yet

Church has not always been my friend

They've hurt and misjudged me

They've outcasted me

Now, what will they do?

I've lied and cheated 

I've been a fool

I've not been true to myself or who I want to be

How will I come back from that?

Over and over my mind is a whirlwind out of control

I spin like a top, soon to fall over on my side, without the assistance of a steady hand, 

to keep me on the straight and narrow path

I prayed and cried last night

I prayed that He would keep me there

That He would keep all things together despite me

I believe He will