September 5th 2016

Earlier today. Thoughts on my life. 1:00 P.M.

      Here we go again Lord. I am sitting here alone, in a coffee shop, pining. Although I don't think I am complaining because my heart is at peace with where I am. My life consists of waking up early, getting something to eat and packing a lunch, getting to class and keeping up my energy to learn and comprehend and than driving to work in Lewisville where I awaken my people skills to last through the rest of the afternoon. At nearly 7 I arrive home and do homework and than go to bed exhausted. I have a wonderful job, my professors and fellow classmates are fabulous and my roomies are exceptional. I am close to my family both physically and emotionally and I am happy. 
     
     Why then, do I pine. I am constantly emotional and old habits come flooding in. Like, not wanting to be alone so I wait around to see what my roommates are doing but too afraid to just ask so as not to come across as needy. I really want to be in a relationship Lord, etc., etc...I could go on and on but the fact remains that something is trying to press in, both good and bad. I guess I just want someone to come home to, to live life with. Exact thing I wanted last year and the year before that. It'll come because it always does. There is no but in this statement. I have to be patient and trust. I came here with the fear that everything would fall through but it didn't. The Lord provided just in time. Somehow I feel barren of the Lord though. I know we all go through seasons like this. Am I missing something? Is there something I could be doing to draw nearer to Him? The Village started out as exactly what I needed but now I feel that my heart is slowly separating its self. What else is there for me? If not the Village than what? 

     

     With all this in mind, random things keep happening to make me extremely happy, like the kind of happiness that children have, innocent, content and unadulterated, relishing in the wonder of the world. My eyes are open to joy of learning and my mind is clear to take it all in. My heart is not though. It is torn and broken and weeping with tears of love and hurt mixed together. Somehow the Lord will use this time for His glory and I will simply follow His lead. Life is full of options now and anything is possible. My Lord is an awesome, powerful, mighty King who will not leave me nor forsake me and I will rise on wings like eagles and soar and not grow weary. My hope is swelling like the verse in Romans, joyfully hope, be patient in tribulation and constant in prayer. 

     Let this encourage you. That even though you can go from one extreme to the other, there is always hope waiting at the end of each corner. Reach out and grasp it and never let it go. 

Thoughtfully yours,

        Grace Kathleen