My Siblings, Could Not Live Life With Out Them
Sometimes my little heart just breaks. Ever since moving to San Antonio I have made an effort to be apart of the kids lives when they needed someone to be on their team no matter what. It never was easy because starting my own life and finding a new normal was challenging for my self. Then when I started school and volunteered at my church I was hardly ever home. I thought for sure the kids would feel that I was deserting them but that doesn't appear to be the case. The Lord works in mysterious ways, yes He does.
I lead a busy life and when I come home I'm exhausted. I'm an introvert and after a full day, talking and socializing with people I don't want to come home and talk some more. I have homework pressing into my tiny brain and I get home wanting to get it out of the way.
Sarah Anne is 16 years old, tall, beautiful, lively, passionate, moody etc... She comes home from school carrying all of the things that come with being in high school. Drama, drama and more drama haha! She wants to tell me all about it of course. I want to listen but homework and drama doesn't mix very well.
Matthew is 12 years old, sensitive, passionate, exploring his God given talents, etc...He'd love it if I could help him with his homework every night and read to him every night.
It just didn't seem possible that how I pictured my life in San Antonio would come to be. I was tired and found it hard to listen and sound interested or to read when I promised I would, there was no time for on the spur of the moment tea parties and being the perfect big sister that I wanted to be.
And then the Lord showed me that though I was not that picture I was something else to them. I was a person who has an understanding of what they went through when mom died, an understanding of what emotions they are going through right now because not that long ago I was in their shoes. I love them and they know it. Yes I should tell them I love them and I do, but they never once doubt it. For some people in their lives they find it hard to believe whether or not there is love there.
The Lord reminded me why I'm here. I have found greater patience and understanding for my kids because it is important that they know I'm there for them. I put aside my homework and know the Lord will help me finish it when it can be done.
Every night I am home, I say goodnight to Matt, talk a little and share about the day and then kiss him goodnight. I always leave with saying, see you in the morning boy and I love you and he would say, ok, you too. I'd get on to him teasingly. Say I love you silly boy! Just a couple nights ago before I could say it he said, I love you. It melted my heart because to me those are three very meaningful words and to hear him say it and know he meant it was about all I could take. My motherly side was beating in full force.
After the goodnight I adjourn to my room and Sarah Anne tells me her stories. She settles to bed pretty soon and then I go to bed. It's funny just today she made some comment about my grammar and I know she expected me to reply haughtily but I only said, awesome! Grace you're so positive all the time! She exclaimed. I know she gets annoyed with it. What, did you want me to get mad? Sometimes I do. She says.
We are so different that I find it hard to read her or understand her but I know this. We have shared so much together growing up. Always have we shared a room and we would talk and share things that we were not comfortable saying to other people. I forget how that made us bond. I would not trade my sister Sarah Anne for anyone else in the world.
I feel this season drawing to a close and it makes me sad because I will miss them and want to be there for them all the time. The past two years have been difficult and yet I have only grown and drawn closer to the Lord. I know that this next one can only be ten times more amazing. Thank you Lord!
Although as usual I don't feel I really got a definite point across nor explained it very well, there you have it to all who is reading. Buona Notte! Goodnight!
I lead a busy life and when I come home I'm exhausted. I'm an introvert and after a full day, talking and socializing with people I don't want to come home and talk some more. I have homework pressing into my tiny brain and I get home wanting to get it out of the way.
Sarah Anne is 16 years old, tall, beautiful, lively, passionate, moody etc... She comes home from school carrying all of the things that come with being in high school. Drama, drama and more drama haha! She wants to tell me all about it of course. I want to listen but homework and drama doesn't mix very well.
Matthew is 12 years old, sensitive, passionate, exploring his God given talents, etc...He'd love it if I could help him with his homework every night and read to him every night.
It just didn't seem possible that how I pictured my life in San Antonio would come to be. I was tired and found it hard to listen and sound interested or to read when I promised I would, there was no time for on the spur of the moment tea parties and being the perfect big sister that I wanted to be.
And then the Lord showed me that though I was not that picture I was something else to them. I was a person who has an understanding of what they went through when mom died, an understanding of what emotions they are going through right now because not that long ago I was in their shoes. I love them and they know it. Yes I should tell them I love them and I do, but they never once doubt it. For some people in their lives they find it hard to believe whether or not there is love there.
The Lord reminded me why I'm here. I have found greater patience and understanding for my kids because it is important that they know I'm there for them. I put aside my homework and know the Lord will help me finish it when it can be done.
Every night I am home, I say goodnight to Matt, talk a little and share about the day and then kiss him goodnight. I always leave with saying, see you in the morning boy and I love you and he would say, ok, you too. I'd get on to him teasingly. Say I love you silly boy! Just a couple nights ago before I could say it he said, I love you. It melted my heart because to me those are three very meaningful words and to hear him say it and know he meant it was about all I could take. My motherly side was beating in full force.
After the goodnight I adjourn to my room and Sarah Anne tells me her stories. She settles to bed pretty soon and then I go to bed. It's funny just today she made some comment about my grammar and I know she expected me to reply haughtily but I only said, awesome! Grace you're so positive all the time! She exclaimed. I know she gets annoyed with it. What, did you want me to get mad? Sometimes I do. She says.
We are so different that I find it hard to read her or understand her but I know this. We have shared so much together growing up. Always have we shared a room and we would talk and share things that we were not comfortable saying to other people. I forget how that made us bond. I would not trade my sister Sarah Anne for anyone else in the world.
I feel this season drawing to a close and it makes me sad because I will miss them and want to be there for them all the time. The past two years have been difficult and yet I have only grown and drawn closer to the Lord. I know that this next one can only be ten times more amazing. Thank you Lord!
Although as usual I don't feel I really got a definite point across nor explained it very well, there you have it to all who is reading. Buona Notte! Goodnight!
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