And Now Rambellwood is just a House Again

Being called to do what seems impossible, is quite humbling. Rambellwood was the last part of Mom, the last part of what surrounded my childhood and what made it what it was. Now it is gone from my life and I grieve.

So many emotions crowded in as I filled up boxes and sorted through childhood toys. Mom left us to be in heaven and now the house that she raised us in is being sold. It feels like I'm loosing her all over again. Rambellwood was truly her house. Everything about it sang her name.

The time when I looked down the staircase into the dimly lit living room and I saw nothing but bare walls and empty floors. The time when I walked across the yard, looked up at the three stories and remembered how I would run up and down the stairs, cook on the heirloom stove, and than how I grew up and moved off to college. Every good and perfect memory came from those walls and I lament.

For me it was an adventure finding a place for every hidden away treasure that we found lying everywhere but than the moments would come when I remembered that I would never again call this place home and I would cry and weep. 

Part of me just doesn't want any more change. Part of me wishes for things to stop moving in the direction of total dependance on God because that means that I can't rely on the comfort of the comfortable; always having Rambellwood around for me to return too. I know the Lord wants me all to him self and all these things, these things that made up my first 20 years, need to be left in the past, so I can move to the future. I want to yell and scream and get mad at somebody because it isn't fair but what is fair. Nothing about life is picture perfect. It simply is. 

I will always miss Mom and miss Rambellwood but now I have the wonderful gift to be able to carry all these memories and weave them into my life and relationships to make little bits of magic, using them for the Lord, not for my self.

-Grace Kathleen